I am only human after all.......and I LOVE a good abscess!

- A chap came in complaining of a massive zit on his back that he couldn’t get to to squeeze and asked me if I could help him because it was really painful. Yes!! I love this sort of thing, anything that involves pus and squeezing fills me with joy! However, it wasn’t happening and I ended up having to get a scalpel to lance it. It wasn’t a zit. It was spider eggs hatching under his skin. I squealed and ran across the medical centre - I don’t particularly like spiders and there were loads!
- I was working late one evening whilst we were at sea and a chap came in who had accidentally rubbed deep heat into his penis instead of something else. He was complaining of a severe burning sensation. A giggle escaped from me which quickly became uncontrollable!
- When I was a student I did a hyperbaric module. I was tasked with going into the unit with a lady who had necrotising fasciitis - the flesh eating bug. I entered the unit with her and the hyperbaric nurse and we all prepared for 2 hours of hyperbaric oxygen therapy. The nurse uncovered the lady's wound, it was down her neck and across her shoulder, and I was fascinated and couldn’t stop myself asking her loads of questions. Does it hurt? How did you get it? Did it feel scary? The nurse gave me “the look” and I stopped talking.
- Having been tasked to a Road Traffic Incident with multiple vehicles, I was part of a team of medics responding and I was allocated to a lady that was trapped in the front of her vehicle. She was screaming and was incoherent. She had an eviscerated bowel. That means her guts were spilling out. This is the one and only time I have ever seen this and before I could stop myself, the words “Oh Shit!” came out of my mouth.
- I was running fresh cases on board a warship and a chap came in walking very very gingerly with his legs apart. I asked him to sit down and tell me what the problem was. He couldn’t sit down, he said because of this; and promptly dropped his trousers and pulled out a testicle about the size of a grapefruit that was red hot to the touch. Testicles aren’t meant to be red hot and before I knew it I was singing “Great Balls of Fire” from my fave film Top Gun. Not 100% sure he appreciated my beautiful singing.
Where am I
going with this? Well, as a medic we like to think that we can be professional 100% of the time. I certainly pride myself on being fairly unshockable these days but sometimes, on those rare occasions we react without thinking. Now in some cases it is not an issue but in others it can make them feel rubbish.
Spiderman was chuffed. He was thrilled to have a good story to tell his mates.
The chap with the burning penis did not see the funny side and wasn’t impressed with my uncontrollable giggles. I get that, most people wouldn’t see the funny side.
The hyperbaric lady was glad to answer my questions and to be able to help me understand the disease she had. I was really grateful for her reaction as I learnt so much from her.
The RTI with the guts became more frightened. I will always regret my reaction to that. I remind myself constantly that however bad it is for me as a medic it is 10 times worse for the patient so I don’t get to have those reactions. I have to be calm for my patient.
The fiery balls chap saw the funny side and relaxed enough to allow me to conduct a patient assessment and examination, provide some pain relief and arrange an appointment ashore for him.
So my advice to budding medics, or anyone that finds themselves in this kind of position… just stop, take a breath, and smile! Then continue with the professional approach and get the job done. Just remember not to let that smile develop into uncontrollable giggles!









